Tuesday, July 15, 2008

If Tears had a Voice

I didn't know whether to tag this entry about Taoism or Dysthymia. I still don't and may change it in the future, but I was thinking about it and joking with the professional who attends to my weekly sessions. It's not painful in that pain is the goal or the process of the treatments, but simply the side-effect of it. It got me to thinking since I don't externalize pain.

I notice people express pain along a spectrum, from those who externalize, really vocalize, any and all pain, no matter the intensity or severity, even the slightly cut is sounded, heard by everyone, to those who never say a word, expressionless for the most part except some facial expressions. And everything in between in shades and degrees.

I'm on the extreme end of internalizing pain. I have rarely vocally expressed pain, only some anger, and mostly just stand there and feel it, knowing every brain cell in my brain is screaming. But nothing comes out, except tears. During the treatment we talked about it as she said people vary so much during these treatments, both in the threshold and expression of the pain.

I said, if tears had voices, you would hear me across the street.

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